George Carlin labākie domu graudi

1.Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
2.I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
3.If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
4.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions
5.Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
6.I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary
7.I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed
8.Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
9.I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
10.When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
11.I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood
12.Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.
13.One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
14.In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
15.The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
16.Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?
17.Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
18.If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
19.“No comment” is a comment.
20.You can’t argue with a good blowjob.
21.If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!
22.I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
23.It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
24.I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.